


Girl's Best Friends

by Kat713



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat713/pseuds/Kat713
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Hollywood Reporter's video on why the ladies of Brooklyn 99 adopted their dogs. I wondered what their character's relationships with their dogs would be like if they had them (and if y'know, Amy wasn't deathly allergic to them).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Girl's Best Friends

Most people say that a person’s dog mirrors them and in many cases this is completely true. Gina’s tiny mutt Lucy is sort of a spaz. When Gina comes home she yells LUCY I’M HOME in the worst impression Ricky Ricardo the world has ever heard but Lucy loves it and goes nuts, yapping and jumping into her arms and bouncing off the furniture. 

She chases her own tail for ten minutes at time before crashing into a wall. Then she rolls over on her back, panting with her tongue hanging out staring at you with a stupid doggie grin. Gina has handbags bigger than her dog but that doesn’t stop Lucy from bullying all the bigger dogs- Amy’s included. 

Amy jokes that her mastiff Dogberry has two settings: 1) 150 pound couch potato who takes up 90% of the bed and drools on the pillow (she glares at Jake when he jumps up yelling something about a sex tape) and 2) ferocious gallant defender who nearly took Jake’s arm off the one time he playfully smacked her arm when he stopped by after a rough case. 

Unfortunately he’s only really courageous when it’s unneeded. He lets Lucy take his favorite spot on the couch when Gina comes over and was useless that time a mugger tried to take off with Amy’s phone during their morning power walk. The little twerp snatched the phone right out of the little armband strap, yanking her earbuds out and taking off at a dead run. Amy and Dogberry caught up easily and she tackled him (making sure to clasp her delicate iPhone before they hit the sidewalk). While Amy sat on his back reciting his rights and pulling her cuffs out of her back pocket, Dogberry just panted and licked the guys face a lot. She refused to answer Peralta later that day, when he wondered aloud why she keeps her handcuffs on her while walking her dog. 

Dogberry also loves to cuddle, something that Amy likes, but everyone else (including their dogs) hates except Rosa’s dog Murphy . 

Rosa’s Chihuahua Murphy is getting a little gray around the ears and sometimes needs a little body heat to keep warm. To combat this, Rosa’s grandma started knitting little doggie sweaters. When Gina learned this, she immediately had an “emergency dental visit” and came back to the precinct three hours later with 15 doggie t-shirts, including a very loud Hawaiian print one, one covered entirely in black sequins, a white striped Yankee jersey, and several more with printed quotes such as ‘I <3 NY’, ‘Bitches luv me’, ‘bad to the bone’, and ‘I LIKE BIG MUTTS and I cannot lie’. 

The day after that, Amy presented Rosa with a neatly pressed doggie cop costume that even included a little felt badge labeled ‘Officer Barkster’ and insisted Rosa email her a pic of the Murphy in it after their shift. When Holt heard a high pitched squeal from Amy the next morning he stopped by her desk, leaning over to peer at the screen. “That is without a doubt, the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” he says flatly and Amy nearly has a heart attack before minimizing her browser. “No, no, I’m serious. Whose dog is that?”

“It’s Rosa’s!" Gina yells loudly across the mostly empty room. "His name is Murphy and his grandma knits him sweaters. I got him a ‘bitches luv me’ t-shirt yesterday and Missus Competitive over here had to green mushroom me.” At their flat looks, Gina clarifies. “One-up me? God, it’s like you losers have never played Mario before.”  
“Where did you buy this… doggie costume, Santiago?” Holt asks. Amy rattles off the address, phone number, and website before swearing that she bought it after work. “Unlike some people.” She says with a pointed look to Gina who shrugs and goes back to painting her toenails. 

Two days later, Holt calls Gina, Rosa and Amy over to his office before showing them a picture of his corgi Cheddar in a similar police costume. Amy swings between crying and fainting when she realizes the oversized hat on his head is actually Captain Holt’s.  
“Heyyy there, what’s goin’ on in here?” Jake asks poping his head in.  
“We’re looking at those pics of you from last month when you drank two bottles of Smirnoff and blacked out in my tub covered in cheetos.” Gina says.  
Jake pales. “You didn’t.”  
Gina shrugs.  
Jake slinks away.  
Through the doorway, they can see him slump backwards over Boyle’s desk. 

“He did not really do that, did he?” Holt asks seriously.  
Gina shrugs again, pulling Holt’s phone closer. “No, but he doesn’t know that.”  
Amy sighs.  
“Good. I was not looking forward to that conversation.”  
“He did however fall asleep on my $400 fur rug and drool all over himself.”  
“Nice.” Rosa says. “Pics?”  
“Hell yeah, sista.” Gina says, pulling out her phone while Holt shoos them out of his office. 

Without fail, every other Saturday at 11am, Rosa is missing from the precinct. Except for one. “Jake.” She says sharply, coming up behind him.  
He lets out a high pitched squeek and jerks back hard. “Wow that sound was unmanly.” He says, yawning. “Who could’ve made that? _Boyle._ ”  
“Shut up, Jake.” She says, kicking his chair around so he faces her. “I need you to do something for me.”  
“Sure.”  
“And if you ever tell anyone about it, I’ll break your face.”  
Jake flinches. “Oh god. You didn’t actually murder someone did you?”  
“If I did, would I be talking about it here?”  
“Good point. So hit me. What do you need?”

She looks around and seeing everyone otherwise occupied leans in. “I have a dog.”  
Jake’s face splits into a grin. “Please tell me this is a joke because I feel like knowing this somewhat trivial but also insightful fact of your life is going to get me killed.”  
“Shut up. His name is Murphy and I-” she sighs and grits her teeth. “I take him to the groomer’s every Saturday.”  
Jake laughs loudly and she punches him.  
“I can’t leave this case, man. Anyway, it’s a real fancy place with a French name. I can’t have people knowing I go there. I have a reputation, Peralta.”  
“And I don’t?” he asks.  
She snorts. _“No.”_  
He shrugs. “Valid point.” He rubs his hands together. “So where’s the pooch?”

“I’ll go home, get him, and bring him here. After you’re done, bring him back, and I’ll run him home.”  
He side-eyes her. “This seems too simple. What’s the catch?”  
She shrugs. “No catch. You just gotta stay next to him or he gets antsy.”  
“But what if he doesn’t like me?”  
“He likes everyone, Peralta. You’ll be fine.”  
He shrugs. “Fine, whatever. But you owe me a favor.”  
She pulls a twenty out of her back pocket. “I’ll give you twenty bucks.” He makes a grab for it before she yanks it back. “ _If_ you forget the favor.” He pouts but agrees. 

And that’s how Detective Jake Peralta ends up spending three hours in a dog groomer’s shop the name of which he can’t pronounce and tried to flirt with a woman who didn’t speak English. He’s covered in dog hair and stepped in dog pee and carries an eight pound Chihuahua wearing a camouflage jacket and black leather collar back to the precinct parking lot. She’s waiting for him when they arrive and snatches Murphy up as the dog yaps happily.  
“You’re smiling.” He says grinning. “It’s scary.”  
“Yeah yeah, whatever. Thanks, man.” She says smacking his back a little harder than necessary. 

When Jake wanders into the break room, Boyle immediately notices the hair and he has to make an excuse about flirting with a jogger and how her dog tackled him. Gina and Amy share a skeptical look that makes him wonder if they knew about Rosa’s dog before him.  
“I have a beta fish named Savoy!” Boyle says, brightly. “Have I ever told you about him? He’s bright blue and likes to read take out menus.”  
“I’m not talking about pets with you guys again.” Scully says, pushing his chair back hard. “You don’t even know my wife from my dog.”  
“You should be ashamed of yourself.” Hitchcock hisses at Jake on the way out.  
“That was like four months ago, Scully!” Jake calls after him. 

“Still don’t know if Kelly’s the wife or dog?” Gina asks.  
“No clue whatsoever.” Jake says, pursing his lips.  
“Our cat’s name is Luna.” Terry says, scrapping the bottom of his yogurt container. “The girls named her after a cartoon pony. Now they’re petitioning for an _actual_ pony. Terry can’t afford no pony! I’d have to get a land permit to build a stable! I don’t even know how to build a _doll house_!”  
“Deep breaths, man.” Jake says, patting his shoulder. Gina and Amy leave the room, rolling their eyes. “It’s a phase. Soon enough they’ll want a puppy instead.”  
“But a dog house is even _more_ like a doll house!”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the video that started it all: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/video/brooklyn-nine-nine-stars-why-722162
> 
> Because I didn't know what breed it was until I did some digging, Dogberry is a Dogue de Bordeaux.


End file.
